How to Stop Your Inner Critic
It began with the angry thought “It’s all your fault” and became “you’ve destroyed everything”
Down the slippery slope I went into self pity and anger at myself for behaving the way I had. I thought I’d acted from love, I thought I was helping and being a great Mum, I thought I was expertly solving their problems..well apparently not so and I got hauled over the coals…shocked, hurt and trying not to be defensive but privately…I went into full on punishment mode. The inner critic was having a field day with me..though I struggled to not be overwhelmed as I knew I shouldn’t get trapped in this…but..I’m human too!!
Yes..
It’s been a massive time for getting to know yourself!
On a whole new level!
Even if you felt you’ve done lots of work on yourself, felt pretty ok with yourself. You’ve probably discovered the darkest thinking that has been quietly undermining you for years.
Now call this your ego or inner critic, negative thinking, monkey mind or whatever you want.
The problem is the inner critic will do to you whatever the hell it likes when you’re scared of it.
But Ruth if I’m thinking it, it must be true? Right?
Well no. Our minds are like an encyclopedia of the past..everything you’ve heard is tucked away in there and if you felt it….Woah that means it feels real..even though it’s not.
Telling yourself you should…why didn’t you…?
Ah yes the never ending search to be the best. Started as a child..be a good boy, be a good girl. Get good grades at school, be the best, win..
So endlessly you’d be looking at how to be better than you just are…so the inner critic becomes the look out, points out to you where you are going wrong
Take your punishment
Often there is not alot of reward so punishment becomes the way to try to get yourself to change.
Nagging at, and at yourself, to try to get you to do it differently.
Feeling bad inside..again all about getting you to change.
This is the problem with the inner critic…no acceptance of you..no being ok as you are
Dropping deeper than the words and feelings
After having a major tantrum with myself for wanting to be right and wanting to punish myself for being unaware of the consequences of my actions and thoughts. I became aware that this was a deeper process for looking at myself. ( Surprise)
Not having been aware that this old inner critic still existed in some way I knew I needed to surrender. I knew I’d come out the other side even though I still fought it as I had to let go of all beliefs about love, me and my relationships with others.
Always always when you drop in deeper than the inner critic you land in deeper peace and love than ever before.
Why I surrendered
No more inner conflict, feeling torn with how I wanted to behave and what was wise and aligned.
Not wanting the internal anger at myself and getting the upper hand with others. ( is no upper hand)
Not wanting the attacking of myself, self hatred…complete waste of time and energy as it just makes you ill.
Knowing the inner critic was meaningless and that anew way of living was ready for me
Wanted the freedom I could feel was there but hadn’t realised I could have
Surrendering to trust
How to Surrender Remedy
After allowing yourself to vent…say outloud to yourself all the thoughts that are tumbling out until there is no more ( car a good place)
Accept that whatever needs to be let go of you are willingly doing this for this process ( this is massive as you’re basically saying you are prepared to let go of every connection to your life and trust what remains)
Give yourself time to be silent. (As if sitting at the movies just killing time)
Just watch, listen, feel it as if dead to it, numb just there until it’s over.
You may feel yourself going deeper and quieter with less thoughts about it all.
A shift of feeling will happen where you feel you’ve sunk down into peace and the critic has been replaced with peace, calm, no thought or feeling about the original onset problem.
There will be an awareness of a different way of handling things that has lightness and ease.
Be humble
For me the word humble started to repeat over and over…I felt challenged by this and as I let it be, started to become curious about how this could be different for me..
When I looked up the word humble I discovered in Hawaiian culture it is a value which is part of spiritual growth and called ha’a ha’a
“A humble person walks in a friendly world. He or she sees friends wherever he or she looks, wherever he or she goes, whomever he or she meets. His or her perception goes beyond the shell of appearance and into essence. ”
Bam it all made sense…
I felt so grateful that after tearing at myself, when l actually surrendered and followed it to it’s natural conclusion ..wisdom …brought me to a place of such deep peace.
My new place
I accepted my freedom in a new way that I had always wanted but felt wrong to have
I saw others as whole and not needing me to make it better for them
Where the inner critics words were now powerless as none was true in the first place it was simply words and pain linked together.
A deeper connection to myself and you
Quieter mind..yeah baby happy dance
A new space of being
Love and joy let me know your thoughts and success with this wonderful Remedy
Ruth xx
